113 | Showing Up Is Not Showing Off: Ditching Fear and Owning Your Visibility with Vicki Knights

Speaker: 00:00:00

Hello and welcome to Women in

the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here.

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I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor

and ICF accredited coach

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):

and I help coaches to

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build brilliant businesses.

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I know that when you prepare to enter

the arena, there is fear, self doubt,

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comparison, anxiety, uncertainty.

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You can tend to armor up and

protect yourself from vulnerability.

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In this podcast, I'll be sharing

honest, not hype, practical and

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emotional tools to support you to make

the difference that you are here for.

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Dare greatly.

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You belong in this arena.

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Hello.

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Welcome to episode 1 1 3 of

Women in the Coaching Arena.

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I am so glad you are here today.

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I have a wonderful guest

called Vicki Knights For you.

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Vicki is a brand photographer, positive

psychology practitioner, and visibility

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strategist, and she's amazing.

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She's in my mastermind and she has taken

all of my branding photos and so many

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of my clients too, absolute genius, so

cannot wait to share her wisdom with you

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today after 16 or so years in business.

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She has so much to share with us about

speaking up, getting clear on our

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message, being confident enough to

share it regularly, so I know you'll

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gain so much from this conversation.

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I hope you enjoy.

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Hi Vicki.

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I am so excited to have

you on the podcast.

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I haven't had many guests and you

have been on my list for ages, so

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I'm really, really glad you are here.

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So if you haven't met Vicki

before, she is a personal branding

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photographer, visibility coach, and

positive psychology practitioner.

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She lives very near me and Surrey.

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She has taken all of my photos, which

are beautiful, and I'm getting more

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done soon, and she's photographed

a thousand plus business owners

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now, so I cannot even imagine.

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Vicki, welcome to share

a bit about yourself.

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Oh, thank you so much, Joe.

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I'm very excited to chat to you today.

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Um, so yes, I think you

explained it really well.

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I am a brand photographer, positive

psychology practitioner and visibility

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strategist, but all of those things come

together really neatly because I help

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people to be seen in their businesses

and show up with joyful confidence.

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So kind of that's my umbrella mission.

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Yes, totally.

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And I love that because something

powerful you say is the goal

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isn't to get rid of fear.

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It's to work with it.

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So tell us more about how you came

to that and what that means to you.

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I think so many of us are put

off doing things 'cause we are

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just scared of it, you know?

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I know I've been like that in my business

where things just feel really scary and

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it's easy to look at someone else and

think, well, it's all right for them doing

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that TED Talk or writing that book, or

running that massive event because they're

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obviously just not as fearful as me.

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But what I've learned, I've been

in business a long time now, like

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over 16 years, which is crazy.

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I'm working with all these incredible

business owners, photographing

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them, and and coaching, and I've

learned that everyone has fears.

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So the women I have on my podcast

often, they've done TED Talks,

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they do keynote speeches, and

you think, oh, they must be fine.

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They all have the same fears

that everyone else does.

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They've just learned to work with them.

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So I don't know if you've read

them, Elizabeth Gilbert's.

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Big magic, and I might butcher

the way that she explains this,

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but she talks about fear as being

a passenger in our car, right?

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So imagine your family's in the car

and it gets to be a part of our family.

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It gets to sit in the backseat.

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It can be there, it can have a

voice, but it doesn't get a vote.

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So it doesn't get to

decide where we're going.

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It doesn't get to put

its hands on the wheel.

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And I always think about

that analogy and think.

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We all have that in a critic, don't we?

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In our heads, I, I call my Nikki and

you know, like that toxic friend that's

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just saying mean things all the time.

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And so we all have that and it's

just a case of whether we learn to

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work with her or whether we, whether

we're letting her run the show.

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So Nikki is still there, but

I've learned to work with her.

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I know that actually she's

just trying to protect me.

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She's just trying to keep me small

'cause she doesn't want me getting hurt.

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And it's a case of

going, actually I'm good.

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I can do this.

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So, yeah, my whole thing is it's not

about overcoming the fear, it's about

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working with that fear that we have.

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Yeah.

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I love it.

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I don't think I've had it described

so eloquently before, so I love

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that you've named your inner

critic and the driving seat thing.

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That's just such a powerful way

of thinking about it, isn't it?

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'cause it really does feel

like much of the time it does

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get in the driving seat, so.

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In practical terms then, what do

you feel like helps to, you know,

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is it because your purpose is bigger

than fear, or what really helps

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to overcome that in the moment?

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I.

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Yeah, that's something I

say quite a lot is make your

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purpose bigger than your fear.

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Because what I've seen, and believe

me, I've done it too, is when

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it comes to showing up in our

businesses or in life in general,

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we make it about ourselves, right?

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So we are immediately like, oh, I

don't really like my hair at the

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moment and I need to lose half a stone.

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And oh, I haven't got anything to wear.

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And we are just always worried about

what other people are gonna think

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about us, and it's all about us.

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Instead, what I always try and say to my

clients is about switching that and making

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it about the person you're trying to help.

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So when we think about what our purpose

is, 'cause generally none of us start

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our business because we wanna get famous.

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And if, if we have, we're probably

doing the wrong thing, much better on

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Love is Blind or something like that.

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We start our businesses because

we wanna make a difference for

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people and we wanna help people,

especially your audience of coaches.

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So therefore, just thinking about

who we're trying to help and what

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we're trying to help them with.

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When it comes to doing that sort of

big, bold visibility thing that we

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wanna do makes such a difference.

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So for example, for me with my podcast,

I was so nervous about starting it,

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even though I'd had a podcast for

five years with someone else, starting

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on by myself, felt terrifying.

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I don't know if you've felt the same

way, Jo, when you launched this podcast.

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And so when I launched it, I

got lots of lovely feedback.

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Like you do when you launch it

and people listen and lots of

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lovely things were sent to me.

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So what I did is I set all this

up in a folder on my phone and

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I call it my kindness folder.

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And it might sound a bit narcissistic,

but what I do is if I'm ever having a

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bit of a wobble or thinking, am I really

making any difference with this podcast?

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Like it's taking a lot of time.

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With a podcast, you don't get that

dopamine hit that you get with

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like a LinkedIn post or Instagram

where you get immediate feedback,

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you'll put it out to the world and

think, has everyone listen to that?

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Even though you can see the stats

and see the people listening, you're

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like really heard anything back.

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So what I do in those

moments when I'm thinking.

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Is this worth it or I feel a bit

scared to put another one out.

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I'll just look back at that folder of

all the lovely feedback and realize

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that the difference it's making, and

actually there are people out there

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listening and learning a lot, and they're

finding it really useful and inspiring.

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So I think that's a really

good thing to do is set up your

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own little kindness folder.

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So whenever you have a wobble

or maybe you're just dealing

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with a client that's making you

feel not so good, just reminding

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yourself of all the clients that.

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Loved what you were doing

is a really powerful thing.

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Yeah, it's so good.

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And I used to have a folder just the

same, and I've actually fallen off

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the wagon with it, but it reminds

me to get back on where I used to do

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exactly the same when I started my

business when I was like really nervous.

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But it would be super powerful to get

that out and remind myself now, because

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I really hear you on that podcast

and not getting the instant feedback.

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And actually I do think that's also

the same at the start of your business

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where you are putting out social posts

and you have no audience, therefore

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you aren't getting any likes as well.

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So I'm sure people will really resonate

with that lack of feedback that we can get

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when we put stuff out there to the world.

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So if we are thinking about the clarity

that you need to be able to convey

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the confidence and to be able to

eloquently share your view as you so

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beautifully have done on this podcast.

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Can you talk a bit about how

understanding what makes us

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unique can help our visibility,

fears, and help us overcome those?

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I think it's so easy, right?

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Everything is so noisy at the

moment, so much noisier than it

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was when I started my business.

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And so I'd imagine for anyone

starting out, it's so easy to be

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like a shiny magpie and be like, oh,

I need to take that reels course.

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Oh, I need to take that LinkedIn

course and person showing up like this.

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Maybe I need to do that.

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And it's.

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Easy.

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Say for example, you see someone

on LinkedIn and maybe they've got

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like 300 people have liked their

posts and you're thinking maybe

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I need to be more controversial.

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Maybe I need to wear a hot

pink jacket or something.

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You know?

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And you start doubting what you are doing

and what happens when you do have that

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deep clarity about what makes you really

special is that comparison won't go away.

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It's always gonna be there

'cause we're human, right.

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But it quietens.

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You start thinking, okay, that's great

for them because that suits their

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personality to a T, but that's not me.

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That's not how I'm gonna show up because

I know that doesn't suit my personality

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and my strengths and my values.

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So it just means by getting that clarity

on what makes you special is it just

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makes you stay in your lane and you

know what you're good at and you know

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how you should be showing up so that it

feels really good to you that you stop

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comparing yourself with everyone else.

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Yeah, totally.

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And so tell me about you and I think

I once heard an example of when you've

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spoken to a huge group of people and how

you calmed your nerves in that moment.

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Yeah, so I used to work in advertising,

so I was quite used to standing

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up and presenting in front of lots

of people, but I used to always.

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Get really nervous.

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I don't know if you do the same.

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So to the point, you know and I totally

understand, that sort of fight or

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flight, I would feel like running away.

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Like I could feel my nervous system

was just in overdrive, and I'd get

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this real big feeling of just like,

just run, just, just get out of here.

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And then, so I ran an event just before

lockdown where I felt it exactly the same.

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That was about a hundred people.

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And again, I was backstage just

trying to calm myself down.

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Like, take, go.

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Come on Vicki, just calm down.

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Calm down.

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And it didn't work.

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And I dunno where I heard about it.

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I think it was while I was doing

my positive psychology diploma.

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Diploma, learn about reframing

anxiety into excitement.

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And so I thought I would test it out

last year when I was talking to a hundred

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people and every time I thought about the

talk, rather than saying to myself like

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I used to, oh my God, I'm so nervous.

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I would just say, I'm so excited.

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I'm really excited about this.

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I can't, I'm, I love my presentation.

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I can't wait to share it.

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They're gonna get so much from it.

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And even as I walked in that

day, a few people came up to me,

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they were, oh, how you feeling?

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Now?

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Past me.

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Would've gone, I'm really nervous.

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Instead, I just went, oh, I'm so excited.

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I'm so excited about what I'm gonna share.

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I know you're all gonna

get so much from it.

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And that just seemed to tell my

brain that I wasn't nervous anymore.

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And I felt that kind of

fizzy, you know, nerves.

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But it was way more excitement.

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I felt kind of calm,

which is really weird.

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And another thing I did, I used to

always just think to myself, what

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if I forget what I'm gonna say?

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That was always my fear.

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Like, I'm gonna look like an idiot.

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I'm gonna forget.

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And I used to always have like

reams of notes with me, like all

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written out onto cards and stuff,

and I didn't wanna take any notes.

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And I kept thinking, well, what

is the worst that could happen?

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So I actually went through that

in my mind and thought, well, the

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worst that could happen is that I, I

don't have my notes and I completely

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forget what my next point is.

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I thought, what would I do?

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So I just had my notes to the side.

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They were just there and I thought,

well, worst case I just go just,

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you know, have a glass of water and

just, I'm just gonna get my thoughts

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together and take a look at my notes.

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For one minute and then come

back and what would, you know?

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It didn't happen, but that wouldn't

have been the end of the world.

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In fact, it's probably quite

powerful just to have a quick break.

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Everyone would understand.

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So I thought, actually I'm

not scared of that anymore.

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So I then looked into it and thought,

is there some science behind this?

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And the Harvard Business School have

done lots of research about it, and

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apparently, the people that try and

calm themselves down before something

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stressful, like an exam or a talk.

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It doesn't work.

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Their nervous system

is still in overdrive.

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They don't feel at all calm.

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Those people that reframe it and just

say, I'm really excited about it, they

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performed much better under pressure.

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So there is actually research and science

that that goes into it, which I love.

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Gosh, that's so amazing and I cannot

wait to try this out at my next in-person

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event because I do all of my work online.

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But as you know, 'cause you came to

the last one, I occasionally just

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twice a year, do in-person events and

every single time I want to pretend

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I'm sick so I don't have to go.

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Really?

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And then yeah, totally.

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I was like, maybe I can say I have Covid

and I don't need to attend tomorrow.

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Like uh.

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Yeah, it's exhausting.

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You come across so confident though, and

I think that's the thing is, when I used

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to talk, people say we don't seem nervous.

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I wouldn't necessarily come across

as nervous, but inside I was dying.

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Just feeling horrible.

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But you came across

amazingly at your last event.

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Oh, interesting.

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Yeah.

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'cause I think the same about you.

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So it's funny, isn't it?

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I think you would be uber confident

under all circumstances, so definitely.

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Yeah, it just shows, doesn't it, that you

can't always tell what's going on inside.

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And I love that about the excitement,

and really reframing it and it's amazing.

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There's research around that as

well 'cause I didn't realize that.

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So I am going to use all of that when

my next in-person comes around in June.

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So thank you.

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That was a genius.

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I look forward to you

walking around the room.

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Just going, I'm so excited.

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And also I heard on a podcast about

the amount of women that start a

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talk by saying, I'm really nervous.

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They say that to the audiences and they

were saying how, how we shouldn't do that.

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Men don't generally do that and I

hate to genderize it, but there,

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there was the statistic about women

and how we start with that and

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I think there's something in it.

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Like we don't want to look like

we're arrogant or showing off.

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So we feel like by going.

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So people will like us more or

something, but it's just telling

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our brain that we're really nervous.

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That's the problem.

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That's true.

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I do think it is that people-pleaser

tendency that you have that

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idea as a woman, that no

one likes a confident woman.

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They like it when you are

slightly nervous, et cetera.

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So I do think you've hit the

nail on the head there for sure.

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Mm-hmm.

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Certainly for me, I think it's an old

pattern that automatically creeps in.

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Because I have this in my head of, no

one likes an overly confident woman.

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I didn't even realize that until

we're actually speaking now

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that I have that association.

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Yeah.

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From childhood or something.

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We hear it so often.

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: 00:14:52

When I suddenly looked at all the

things like, you know, we hear.

312

: 00:14:55

Other women, especially pulling up

going, oh, she's got a bit too big

313

: 00:14:57

for her boots and she's a bit too

much, and who does she think she is?

314

: 00:15:00

And we hear all this thing and

think, well, you know, I'd hate

315

: 00:15:03

someone to be saying that about me.

316

: 00:15:04

So then we have to make ourselves

smaller and less confident so that

317

: 00:15:08

people don't say that about us.

318

: 00:15:09

And then it comes to showing up in our

businesses when we're told, you know,

319

: 00:15:13

put yourself out there and be bold.

320

: 00:15:14

And it goes against everything

that we've heard in our, in our

321

: 00:15:17

childhood and through our life.

322

: 00:15:19

It's not just in childhood.

323

: 00:15:20

So yeah, there's so many.

324

: 00:15:22

Things there that we have to unravel,

I think when it comes to showing up.

325

: 00:15:26

Yeah, there are totally, that's

probably a core reason of why people

326

: 00:15:30

really struggle with that in their

business because it is that innate

327

: 00:15:35

fear that's so inbuilt, isn't it?

328

: 00:15:38

So what have you found is helpful,

maybe if you are talking to the coach

329

: 00:15:44

who's just starting their business,

they know they need to post on social

330

: 00:15:48

media and they just feel physically

sick, how can we help that person?

331

: 00:15:56

Right.

332

: 00:15:56

We've all seen that, well, I'm

assuming most people have seen that

333

: 00:15:58

meme, that that does the rounds

sometimes about comfort zones.

334

: 00:16:01

And it says, right here's your comfort

zone and here's where the magic happens.

335

: 00:16:04

Right?

336

: 00:16:05

And it's right over the other side.

337

: 00:16:06

And I totally disagree with that.

338

: 00:16:08

And I think there's a lot of advice out

there saying, well, you've just gotta go

339

: 00:16:11

live every day and you just need to be.

340

: 00:16:14

Posting videos of yourself and

posting, you know, every single

341

: 00:16:17

day or multiple times a day.

342

: 00:16:19

And so many new coaches go from

doing nothing to suddenly they are

343

: 00:16:24

showing up live, or they're trying

to speak on podcasts, or they're

344

: 00:16:26

speaking on stages, and they might

stick with that for say, six months.

345

: 00:16:31

But then I see so many people do

that and then they never post again

346

: 00:16:34

because it just felt horrible.

347

: 00:16:36

You know, their whole

nervous system felt awful.

348

: 00:16:39

And yeah, it just gave them

a vulnerability hangover.

349

: 00:16:42

So.

350

: 00:16:43

You know, I know that temptation

is here, but I just need to grow

351

: 00:16:45

my business and I need to do

something quite big and quite bold.

352

: 00:16:48

But I'd much rather you run a business

for years and years and years that lights

353

: 00:16:52

you up than something that's, you know,

you're not gonna be able to, it's not

354

: 00:16:56

sustainable and you can't keep up with.

355

: 00:16:58

So my advice would just be, just

do something that feels stretchy.

356

: 00:17:02

So don't stay in your comfort zone.

357

: 00:17:03

Yeah.

358

: 00:17:03

Yeah.

359

: 00:17:03

I'm just gonna post loads

of quotes that feels easy.

360

: 00:17:06

And it's different for everyone, isn't it?

361

: 00:17:08

So that stretchy for you might be going

and speaking on a stage or pitching

362

: 00:17:13

yourself to a big podcast for that

new coach starting out, it might be,

363

: 00:17:17

I've had a branding shoot and I'm just

gonna post my first photo from there.

364

: 00:17:21

And that feels really

stretchy for them for now.

365

: 00:17:24

But the fact is it gets easier.

366

: 00:17:26

So that thing that feels stretchy

at the beginning, suddenly, you

367

: 00:17:29

know, a month later you're like,

oh, I'm not even thinking about it.

368

: 00:17:32

I'm posting photos all the time.

369

: 00:17:33

Now I need to start

posting video of myself.

370

: 00:17:35

So it's just taking that baby step that

feels stretchy, but it gets easier.

371

: 00:17:41

Yeah, it's such a good one, and

I've seen that so many times.

372

: 00:17:44

You know, the person goes mad like I'm

posting every day, and then, they collapse

373

: 00:17:49

two months later and go, do you know what?

374

: 00:17:51

I can't do it anymore.

375

: 00:17:53

So yeah, it's good that

you've called that one out.

376

: 00:17:55

And small steps are better than.

377

: 00:17:58

Huge action sometimes.

378

: 00:18:01

So if we are thinking about the benefits

of being visible and all the amazing

379

: 00:18:08

things that can come from it, what do

you find has surprised you most about

380

: 00:18:14

you showing up fully in your business?

381

: 00:18:16

And maybe your clients, because

I know you have a mastermind as

382

: 00:18:19

well, in seeing them show up, what

has been the most amazing parts?

383

: 00:18:24

Such a good question.

384

: 00:18:24

It's so, it's so difficult

Just to say one thing.

385

: 00:18:27

I'm gonna say two things.

386

: 00:18:28

I may possibly say a third at the end.

387

: 00:18:30

I think the connections that you get

from showing up when I look at my

388

: 00:18:35

business, you know, which like I say

has been like 16 years and all the

389

: 00:18:38

amazing things I've got to do and

the amazing people I've got to meet.

390

: 00:18:43

Hardly any of those would've happened

if I hadn't had the courage to show up.

391

: 00:18:48

Whether that's in a networking

group or whether that's online,

392

: 00:18:51

so it can be in person or online.

393

: 00:18:53

I just wouldn't have got those, all

the amazing opportunities I've had to

394

: 00:18:56

speak on people's podcasts like this

or speak on stages or go to networking

395

: 00:19:00

events that wouldn't have happened.

396

: 00:19:02

I've made so many amazing

friends just from showing up.

397

: 00:19:05

So the connection is

such a huge part of it.

398

: 00:19:08

but I think also what comes

from it is the confidence.

399

: 00:19:11

So if I look now at the fact that

I can just post a video online.

400

: 00:19:17

Probably even three years ago

would've absolutely terrified me.

401

: 00:19:21

You know, I used to feel this

horrible feeling if I was thinking

402

: 00:19:25

about doing something like

that where it just felt unsafe.

403

: 00:19:27

Whereas now, you know, I posted one

on Friday just so I was getting ready

404

: 00:19:30

to go out, didn't even think about

it, posted, and then I was like,

405

: 00:19:33

oh, I need to check if people have

commented and stuff, you know, rather

406

: 00:19:35

than thinking, oh my God, everyone's

stopped and everyone's looking at me.

407

: 00:19:38

So think what comes from that is

confidence in yourself, and that has a.

408

: 00:19:43

A ripple effect through

your whole life as well.

409

: 00:19:45

And I've seen that with so

many people I work with.

410

: 00:19:47

It's like talking about

my photography, I think.

411

: 00:19:50

Every woman is nervous about getting

in front of the camera, right?

412

: 00:19:54

But once they actually do it, and you've

experienced it 'cause you've had a shoot

413

: 00:19:57

with me, and then you see the photos,

it's such a huge confidence boost when you

414

: 00:20:02

can see yourself through someone else's

eyes in a really nice flattering way.

415

: 00:20:06

Not like a horrible iPhone picture

that your friend snapped of you on

416

: 00:20:09

a night out from a horrible angle.

417

: 00:20:12

But when you actually see professional

photos of yourself that are in beautiful

418

: 00:20:15

light and a beautiful surroundings.

419

: 00:20:18

So many of my clients have just

said, that was such a huge confidence

420

: 00:20:21

boost for me to see myself like that.

421

: 00:20:24

so I think that has such a ripple

effect through your whole life.

422

: 00:20:27

'cause you just show up more

confidently and more bravely.

423

: 00:20:31

Yeah, you do.

424

: 00:20:33

It's amazing that you get to see it

from the other perspective, like you

425

: 00:20:37

say through the lens of your camera.

426

: 00:20:40

And it's funny, the difference we can have

between who that person is in the photo.

427

: 00:20:46

And who will you feel like inside?

428

: 00:20:48

'cause I remember when I look at

my own photos, I feel like you must

429

: 00:20:53

have done a lot of work on them.

430

: 00:20:55

I have no idea if you

have or if you haven't.

431

: 00:20:57

But it is funny, isn't it?

432

: 00:20:58

So share more about maybe that

disassociation between that

433

: 00:21:04

person in the picture and who we

really feel like we are inside.

434

: 00:21:09

Yeah, because I think

that's the thing, isn't it?

435

: 00:21:11

Is we.

436

: 00:21:12

Often, and one thing as well with

professional photos, which I quite

437

: 00:21:15

often say to people is we are so used

to seeing a mirror image of ourselves.

438

: 00:21:20

So even on Zoom now, we see the mirror

image, unless you've changed it, but

439

: 00:21:23

automatically it's the mirror image.

440

: 00:21:25

So we're so used to that.

441

: 00:21:26

So actually when we see professional

photos and selfies as well,

442

: 00:21:29

that's all a mirror image.

443

: 00:21:30

So we get so used to seeing that, that

sometimes when you see a professional

444

: 00:21:35

photo, you're like, oh, it kind of

doesn't feel like us because our face is

445

: 00:21:39

flipped from what we're used to seeing.

446

: 00:21:41

But sometimes I'm, you know, I'll

be like, it just look like me.

447

: 00:21:43

And then you show family and

friends 'cause that's the version

448

: 00:21:45

they see of you and they're like,

that totally looks like you.

449

: 00:21:48

So that sometimes can make you feel a

bit sort of an out of body experience.

450

: 00:21:53

Like, is that actually me?

451

: 00:21:54

Because none of us have

a symmetrical face.

452

: 00:21:57

So I think unless you're Angelina

Jolie or something like that.

453

: 00:22:00

So it shows us slightly different.

454

: 00:22:02

And also we're suddenly seeing

ourselves, we're used to

455

: 00:22:05

seeing ourselves, you know, in.

456

: 00:22:06

Hump around the house and like as mom, if

you've got children or just, you know, we

457

: 00:22:11

are not used to seeing ourselves really

polished and looking really good often.

458

: 00:22:17

I have so many women that say

to me, I, I, I don't look like

459

: 00:22:21

the women on your website.

460

: 00:22:23

Do you only photograph like

really attractive women or

461

: 00:22:25

really super confident women?

462

: 00:22:27

And I'm like, they all said exactly

the same thing that you are saying.

463

: 00:22:32

And it's just because I've helped

them to pose in a really good way

464

: 00:22:38

and that feels really natural.

465

: 00:22:39

And I've put them in amazing spots

and they might have made an effort

466

: 00:22:42

that day and had their hair and

makeup done and they've got nice

467

: 00:22:45

clothes, but they all say exactly

the same thing that you are saying.

468

: 00:22:48

So it's so easy to look at

everyone else, isn't it?

469

: 00:22:50

And think.

470

: 00:22:51

But I don't look like that.

471

: 00:22:52

'cause we don't day to day do we?

472

: 00:22:55

Yeah.

473

: 00:22:55

So true.

474

: 00:22:56

I love that.

475

: 00:22:57

Thank you so much for sharing.

476

: 00:22:58

It's, uh, given me a good perspective

on the mirror image especially.

477

: 00:23:02

Yeah.

478

: 00:23:04

If someone is listening and is feeling

stuck, they know they need to be

479

: 00:23:07

more visible, but they just don't

know where to begin, what is one

480

: 00:23:13

small thing that they could do today?

481

: 00:23:15

And it's really difficult to

give kind of a just blanket

482

: 00:23:19

advice that work for everyone.

483

: 00:23:20

'cause everyone's so different.

484

: 00:23:21

So going back to what we were

talking before about the baby steps,

485

: 00:23:24

I think just think about what it

would be that next thing for you.

486

: 00:23:28

So think about how you are

planning on showing up this week.

487

: 00:23:31

So have you got post planned?

488

: 00:23:33

What are you thinking about doing?

489

: 00:23:34

And think back, is that

within your comfort zone?

490

: 00:23:36

Does it feel like, oh yeah,

I could do that in my sleep.

491

: 00:23:39

Or does it give you that kind of fizzy.

492

: 00:23:41

Slightly nervous, excited

feeling, and if it doesn't.

493

: 00:23:45

What would?

494

: 00:23:46

So, and I can't just say, you know, and

that's why, you know, sometimes I'm not a

495

: 00:23:50

huge fan of like the visibility challenges

and that where they're like, right, post

496

: 00:23:53

this, do this because that doesn't work.

497

: 00:23:55

You know, the whole thing about positive

psychology is finding things that work

498

: 00:23:58

for us and are really aligned to us.

499

: 00:24:01

So just think about what could be

that thing that feels a bit stretchy.

500

: 00:24:05

So maybe it's that you listen

to this podcast and you would

501

: 00:24:07

love to be a guest, but.

502

: 00:24:09

Feels really stretchy to

pitch yourself as one.

503

: 00:24:11

So maybe that's what you do this week,

or maybe it's that you always just share,

504

: 00:24:16

carousel and slides with text on, but you

never share a photo of yourself on them.

505

: 00:24:19

Maybe you put a photo

of yourself on there.

506

: 00:24:21

Maybe you haven't got round to booking

that branding shoe because you're

507

: 00:24:24

thinking, oh, I'm gonna lose some

weight, or I need to gr out my hair.

508

: 00:24:27

Maybe this is the week you actually just

book it and get it booked in the diary

509

: 00:24:30

so you've got something to work towards.

510

: 00:24:32

So yeah, just doing that next

thing that makes you feel.

511

: 00:24:36

Stretchy, but will make

a really big difference.

512

: 00:24:39

And I think the thing is, is so many

people wait for the confidence to come.

513

: 00:24:43

They're waiting for like the

confidence fairy to come and

514

: 00:24:45

sprinkle something over their head.

515

: 00:24:47

And the confidence never comes

before you take the action.

516

: 00:24:51

It's taking the courageous action

that then you go, oh, now I feel

517

: 00:24:54

really confident about that.

518

: 00:24:56

And now you know, my comfort zone

has expanded and now I can do

519

: 00:24:59

something else, something even bigger.

520

: 00:25:01

So yeah, that would be my, my advice

is just take, what's that next

521

: 00:25:04

stretchy small step they can take.

522

: 00:25:07

Yeah, I love that.

523

: 00:25:08

Especially the kind of fizzy

feeling that you described

524

: 00:25:12

there, rather than the blanket.

525

: 00:25:14

Everyone must post today.

526

: 00:25:15

Right?

527

: 00:25:16

Tomorrow we're doing a video, and I

remember when I did Helen Pritchard's, she

528

: 00:25:20

called Helen Tudor now LinkedIn challenge.

529

: 00:25:23

I dunno if you've done that or

heard of it, but it was brilliant,

530

: 00:25:27

but I genuinely couldn't do any

of the daily steps at the time.

531

: 00:25:33

It took me three months after that

challenge to be able to take the

532

: 00:25:37

first day one's action, which was

change your LinkedIn headline.

533

: 00:25:43

'cause it just, I was just

completely unregulated at the

534

: 00:25:47

time and it just felt awful.

535

: 00:25:50

So I really love that idea about just,

what's that tiny thing for me, rather

536

: 00:25:55

than me comparing myself and feeling

like all these people in this challenge

537

: 00:25:59

are able to do all these amazing

things and I'm useless 'cause I can't.

538

: 00:26:03

That's so interesting and that'll be

really inspiring for people to hear.

539

: 00:26:06

'cause I think it's easy to look at

someone like you and think, oh, but

540

: 00:26:08

she's doing amazing things on LinkedIn.

541

: 00:26:10

But to know that actually you found that

really nerve wracking, you couldn't even

542

: 00:26:13

change like the header on your LinkedIn

because it just felt too much at the time.

543

: 00:26:17

So I think that's really inspiring for

people to think, well, I can start small

544

: 00:26:20

and then I'll be like, Jo, one day.

545

: 00:26:22

Yeah.

546

: 00:26:22

Now I'm all over it and I'm

amazed by some of my clients.

547

: 00:26:26

'cause sometimes they'll go, okay,

should we just do it while we're on?

548

: 00:26:29

And I'm like, wow, would

you actually do that?

549

: 00:26:31

Because I remember my experience was so

very different to some people's, but I

550

: 00:26:36

know also for some people, uh, just the

same as I was and feeling petrified.

551

: 00:26:40

But there are other people, maybe they've

procrastinated for so long about it.

552

: 00:26:45

They've had their three months and

they're like, yep, let's share screen.

553

: 00:26:48

Let's just do it live while

I'm on the call with you.

554

: 00:26:51

So like you say, it is just

for that individual, what's

555

: 00:26:54

their exact stretch zone today?

556

: 00:26:57

Yeah, yeah.

557

: 00:26:58

And we all come from

a very different base.

558

: 00:26:59

Like you say, like some people will

start their businesses and they might

559

: 00:27:02

have been presenting to people, you

know, in groups for years and years.

560

: 00:27:05

Other people don't feel confident at all.

561

: 00:27:08

Just like we're all different when

we walk into a room full of people.

562

: 00:27:10

Right?

563

: 00:27:10

So we're all starting

from a different base.

564

: 00:27:12

And so for people to say, you

have to do it like this just

565

: 00:27:15

doesn't work for everyone at all.

566

: 00:27:17

No, it doesn't.

567

: 00:27:18

Totally.

568

: 00:27:19

So anything that I should have asked

you that I haven't asked yet that you

569

: 00:27:23

feel like would be useful to share?

570

: 00:27:24

Oh, that's such a good question.

571

: 00:27:26

And I might be a bit biased

saying this as a photographer, I.

572

: 00:27:30

But I do think that photos

make such a huge difference

573

: 00:27:35

to the way that you show up.

574

: 00:27:36

So when we're talking about that new

coach into it, and you know, what's

575

: 00:27:41

the first thing that she could do?

576

: 00:27:42

And I did sort of say about, booking

a branding shoot, but it's amazing the

577

: 00:27:46

amount of new business owners I see and

on their website, they've still got,

578

: 00:27:50

you know, a photo of them in front of

their fence that their husband's taken.

579

: 00:27:53

Because you know, they might be

thinking, oh, I've spent money

580

: 00:27:55

on my website and my branding.

581

: 00:27:56

I can't afford to to get a photographer.

582

: 00:27:58

No one's gonna notice.

583

: 00:27:59

It'll be fine.

584

: 00:28:00

I've got this selfie I can use.

585

: 00:28:02

And actually it does

make such a difference.

586

: 00:28:04

And quite often with permission,

I've used clients, before and after

587

: 00:28:08

like this is one they were using

on their website and this is now.

588

: 00:28:10

And it's only then when they look

at it, they're like, oh my God.

589

: 00:28:13

I didn't realize quite what

a difference that would make.

590

: 00:28:15

And I think what happens is if a potential

client comes to your website and you

591

: 00:28:20

are asking them to invest with you, but

you haven't invested in having a photo

592

: 00:28:24

shoot and getting professional photos, it

kind of devalues what you are offering.

593

: 00:28:28

So.

594

: 00:28:29

I would say when it comes to visibility

and showing up, that kind of the

595

: 00:28:32

first thing that you need to do is

get those photos 'cause it will make

596

: 00:28:35

everything just feel so much easier.

597

: 00:28:37

It also just means that you are putting

off opportunities because I've had people

598

: 00:28:41

sometimes, say they've been invited to

go on a panel, but they haven't got a

599

: 00:28:44

photo to send, or they've been invited

on a podcast, they don't have a photo.

600

: 00:28:46

So it will hold you back for putting

yourself out for those opportunities

601

: 00:28:49

if you don't have those photos.

602

: 00:28:52

That's such a great one.

603

: 00:28:53

And like you say, you do

not know the difference.

604

: 00:28:56

You think you can get

away with that photo.

605

: 00:28:58

And I remember mine trying to find

like a white plain wall and get my

606

: 00:29:01

husband to take it on the iPhone

and I kind of thought it was fine.

607

: 00:29:05

And then you actually get a professional

photo and you're like, how did

608

: 00:29:09

I survive life with that photo?

609

: 00:29:12

So, yeah, it's such a good

one and I love that you do the

610

: 00:29:15

mini branding photo shoots.

611

: 00:29:17

'cause, especially if you're

starting, you might be thinking, I

612

: 00:29:20

don't have loads of money to invest.

613

: 00:29:21

So it's such a great thing.

614

: 00:29:23

'cause I had a mini branding

photo shoot with you.

615

: 00:29:26

So essentially if you're wondering

what a mini branding photo shoot is,

616

: 00:29:29

Vicki would go to a hotel for the

day, you get 25 minutes and then she's

617

: 00:29:34

got lots of people with 25 minutes.

618

: 00:29:36

So it's a great value way

of getting photos, isn't it?

619

: 00:29:40

Yeah.

620

: 00:29:41

And it's just a way, 'cause exactly

like you're saying, some people can't.

621

: 00:29:44

Afford like a full two hour shoot

with me or the cost of hiring a hotel.

622

: 00:29:48

So everyone then splits my time

and the cost of hiring the room

623

: 00:29:52

in the hotel and everything.

624

: 00:29:53

So yeah, it's just a really good way.

625

: 00:29:55

And lots of clients, they will

use it as like the stepping

626

: 00:29:58

stone, the first thing they do.

627

: 00:29:59

But I also have a lot of clients

that just have one of those a

628

: 00:30:01

year just to get refreshed images

rather than having the full shoot.

629

: 00:30:04

And either way works, but yeah, also I

think people are always amazed, like you

630

: 00:30:08

were, how much I can do in 25 minutes?

631

: 00:30:11

So many people say, well,

25 minutes isn't enough.

632

: 00:30:13

Like I need two hours.

633

: 00:30:14

It's like, you will be very surprised.

634

: 00:30:16

I work really quick.

635

: 00:30:18

I think it's because I started in family

photography, so I was so used to dealing

636

: 00:30:21

with toddlers and dads don't wanna be

there, that I work really fast and I

637

: 00:30:26

also know when I've been in front of the

camera, I don't wanna be in front of the

638

: 00:30:29

camera longer than I need to, so I just

work quickly, well onto the next spot.

639

: 00:30:33

And then normally by the end of the 25

minutes people are like, oh, are we done?

640

: 00:30:37

Yeah, and then they're amazed when they

see the gallery and see how much we got.

641

: 00:30:41

Yeah, it's shocking what you can do.

642

: 00:30:43

So I'm really excited to be

going to your retreat soon.

643

: 00:30:47

Yes.

644

: 00:30:47

In Spain.

645

: 00:30:48

And I've also booked a longer branding

shoot, so I'm really, really excited.

646

: 00:30:52

But I know that one is fully

booked as far as I'm aware.

647

: 00:30:55

Yes, the same one.

648

: 00:30:56

But you have another retreat

in the UK in a beautiful venue.

649

: 00:30:59

I'm actually going to in June already

for a retreat, Florence House.

650

: 00:31:03

I go every year to a yoga

retreat at Florence House.

651

: 00:31:06

But I know you have your

retreat at Florence House.

652

: 00:31:09

Is it September?

653

: 00:31:10

Yes.

654

: 00:31:10

September.

655

: 00:31:11

Yeah.

656

: 00:31:11

September.

657

: 00:31:12

Can you share more?

658

: 00:31:13

Yeah.

659

: 00:31:13

So I've run my visibility retreat.

660

: 00:31:14

This will be the, actually, it'll

be the sixth time I've run it with

661

: 00:31:17

the one that I'm running in Spain.

662

: 00:31:19

And so it's three day retreat

where I help people show up with

663

: 00:31:23

more confidence in their business.

664

: 00:31:24

Everyone gets a mini branding

shoot with me, so you've upgraded.

665

: 00:31:27

So we can do a longer shoot

in cities, which is, which

666

: 00:31:30

is gonna be really exciting.

667

: 00:31:31

Thing.

668

: 00:31:32

Um, and so I have workshops and

the shoot, but also I believe

669

: 00:31:36

that business is holistic.

670

: 00:31:38

Like if we feel rubbish in ourselves.

671

: 00:31:40

We are not gonna feel like

showing up in our businesses.

672

: 00:31:43

So when I designed the retreat,

I knew that I didn't want it to

673

: 00:31:46

just be like three days, just

sat in a room and that was it.

674

: 00:31:48

So we do everything else that makes

you feel amazing, like nourishing

675

: 00:31:52

homemade food, not by me may add.

676

: 00:31:54

That would not be good

if I was cooking it.

677

: 00:31:56

and we do cliff walks and yoga

and breathwork sessions and

678

: 00:32:00

massages and chats by the fire.

679

: 00:32:02

So all these things that

make us feel amazing.

680

: 00:32:05

so yes, I've got a few spaces

left for my September retreat.

681

: 00:32:09

And I'm very excited about you

being there next month in Spain.

682

: 00:32:12

Exciting.

683

: 00:32:13

Oh, me too.

684

: 00:32:13

Me too.

685

: 00:32:14

And yeah, Florence House is

beautiful, so I love that.

686

: 00:32:17

You're also doing the mini

branding photo shoot there.

687

: 00:32:20

Yeah.

688

: 00:32:20

As well as all the other amazing things.

689

: 00:32:22

Like you said, there's a fire pit,

the massage lady is to die for.

690

: 00:32:25

I would practically drive two hours

just to have a message with her.

691

: 00:32:29

I still haven't had a, because I'm

always hosting it, so everyone always

692

: 00:32:32

raves if it's the same lady you

have, she's meant to be incredible.

693

: 00:32:36

Yeah, she is totally.

694

: 00:32:37

So I would highly recommend, checking

out Vicki's retreat, especially because

695

: 00:32:42

the mini branding photo shoot is

included too, so Sounds like a dream.

696

: 00:32:46

I cannot wait for my experience next

month, so thank you so, so much.

697

: 00:32:50

Vicki, any parting words

to share with listeners?

698

: 00:32:55

Well, the one thing I always say at

the end of my podcast is showing up

699

: 00:32:59

is not showing off, and it's my own.

700

: 00:33:02

Kind of words that I tell myself all the

time, like, we touched on it, didn't we?

701

: 00:33:05

That I think as, as women especially,

we worry that people are gonna think

702

: 00:33:08

we're arrogant and that can put us off.

703

: 00:33:09

So I always say to myself,

showing up is not showing off.

704

: 00:33:12

So those would be my

parting words, I think.

705

: 00:33:15

Love it.

706

: 00:33:15

Can I just say, Joe, just at the end,

thank you for everything that you do.

707

: 00:33:19

You inspire so many people and, you

are also one of my very favorite

708

: 00:33:22

clients 'cause you've sent so much

business my way for my photo shoot.

709

: 00:33:26

So I'm very appreciative, but

I'm very grateful to have you

710

: 00:33:28

in my world, so thank you.

711

: 00:33:29

Oh, thank you so, so much.

712

: 00:33:31

Well, I can't help but refer you

because you are too good not to.

713

: 00:33:35

Oh, thank you.

714

: 00:33:36

yeah, I mean, you've done such

amazing work with my clients

715

: 00:33:39

that therefore it actually helps.

716

: 00:33:41

Me, 'cause I obviously help them

market their business so for them to

717

: 00:33:45

have that photo shoot is such a huge

boost for their business as well.

718

: 00:33:49

So yeah, we're a perfect team.

719

: 00:33:51

Aw, thank you.

720

: 00:33:53

Thank you Vicki.

721

: 00:33:54

I hope you loved today's

conversation as much as I did.

722

: 00:33:58

I don't think we mentioned

exactly where Vicki's retreat is.

723

: 00:34:02

It's Florence House in Sussex.

724

: 00:34:04

It's by the sea.

725

: 00:34:05

It's totally beautiful.

726

: 00:34:06

So if you are interested in

checking out, I will share

727

: 00:34:09

the details in the show notes.

728

: 00:34:11

And like I say at the end of

every episode, trust yourself.

729

: 00:34:14

Believe in yourself and be the wise

gardener who keeps on watering the seed.

730

: 00:34:20

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):

Thank you so much for listening to this

731

: 00:34:22

episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

732

: 00:34:24

I have a mess of free resources on

my website joannalottcoaching.com.

733

: 00:34:31

That's Joanna with an A

and Lott with two T's.

734

: 00:34:34

joannalottcoaching.com.

735

: 00:34:37

And I'll also put links in the show notes.

736

: 00:34:41

Let me know if you found

this episode useful.

737

: 00:34:43

Share it with a friend and

leave me a review, and I will

738

: 00:34:46

personally thank you for that.

739

: 00:34:49

Remember to trust yourself, believe

in yourself and be the wise Gardner

740

: 00:34:54

who keeps on watering the seed.

741

: 00:34:56

Get into the arena dare, greatly and try.