11 | How to handle your feelings and take action

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Hello and welcome to Women in the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here.

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I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor and ICF accredited coach, and I'm on a

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mission to help brilliant coaches build brilliant coaching businesses.

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In this podcast, I'll be sharing honest, not hype, practical and

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emotional tools to support you to make the difference that you are here for.

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): Welcome to episode 11 of Women

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in the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here today.

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Our topic is why you aren't taking action and how to handle your

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feelings and emotions so you get to fulfill your potential in your

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coaching business and in your life.

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So this episode has been inspired by many calls and emails I've had this week

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from people who have been waiting for years to get moving in their business.

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They want to save money and instead they waste time.

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And then it's really easy to get frozen into inaction and lose so much confidence.

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So you may have all these ideas and dreams that you want to pursue, but

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sometimes no matter how much you try, you just can't find the motivation

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to take action and make a decision.

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So you might ask yourself, why do I seem to go round in circles?

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And what I know is that there are countless ways to build your business, and

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each of them requires you to step into the arena and try, and that is the hard part,

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and that's why I love Brene Brown's quote so much about if you are not in the arena,

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I am not interested in your feedback.

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And it's so brilliant because I think you will never find anyone who is

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working harder than you criticize you.

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So you will only find those who are frozen into inaction and outside the arena who

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will ever say anything negative about you.

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So if you are in the arena, you have a shot.

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And it is all possible.

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So it feels impossible many times, especially when you're on your own,

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which is why it's so important to find your tribe of people who remind you

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it's possible when you have forgotten.

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So when I started my business, I was petrified of everything.

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It took me at least four months to gather the courage to post on

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social media about what I was doing.

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To tell my friends and family was the most horrific thing I felt I ever did.

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And the more you can manage to force yourself through that comfort

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zone, into that growth zone, then you will start to be able to really

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effectively build your business.

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And what needs to really happen, therefore is that inner work

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and taking action combined.

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So I have spent a lot of money and a lot of time doing that inner work with

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coaches because you can know everything there is to do to build your business, but

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there's a deeper emotional and embodied reason why you may not be taking action.

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So it's not always something that we can think our way out of.

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It's a pattern stored in the body that is trying to keep us safe.

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So with small, courageous steps and consistently facing our fears, we

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can become more courageous as well as really identifying and naming

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those patterns when they come up.

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So if you are waiting for clarity, know that you'll never know and you'll never

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get it unless you have tried and failed.

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So it's not gonna come without you taking action.

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Get in the arena, dare greatly, and try.

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Speaking about daring greatly.

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I am hosting my first in-person event this week on Friday 26th of May.

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So I am super, super excited to help the coaches attending to really step

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into that arena and dare greater than they would ever do alone.

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So yeah, super excited.

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So if you're not able to attend this time, hopefully I will run

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another one maybe next year.

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So, of course there are circumstances beyond our control.

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We can't control other people and whether they buy our thing, we can't control

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the past because it's already done.

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However, as a coach, you know that there is so much more within

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your control than you may be ever realized before you were a coach.

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So whether you allow yourself to procrastinate when building your

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website, or whether you hear yourself making those excuses that you don't

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have time or blaming others for your lack of progress, all these things.

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Are within your control, and it's easy for us to forget that.

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And everything in that present experience is within our control,

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including our conscious thoughts.

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So that's where I really wanted to go next with this episode.

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And of course, there are many unconscious thoughts that we have all

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day long that we aren't even aware of.

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And this matters because our thoughts create our feelings and

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our feelings create our actions.

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So when I am asked the question like, why am I not taking action?

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Why am I so scared?

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I just can't do this.

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It's often because of the way you feel and your beliefs that that stems from.

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So if you are taking action that you don't want to take, it's

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also because of the way you feel.

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So if you are stuck, not really playing as big as you wish to.

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Then again, it's back to those feelings and the feelings you are avoiding

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that might come from playing bigger.

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So it's all about those feelings driving your actions, and of course your actions

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will always create the results that you want or don't want in your life.

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So if your coaching business isn't where you want it to be.

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It's likely due to those thoughts leading to the feelings that result

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in procrastination and lack of action.

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And it happens to all of us, but it's why I spend so much time

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and money working with various practitioners on a really deep level.

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So I've been working with someone called Juliet recently who does emotional freedom

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technique and tons of other modalities.

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I think she calls it parts work.

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And it's really helped me to see that lots of the things happening now in my life

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and literally related to my business are due to patterns that started in childhood.

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I also work with Nick, an amazing MCC I C F coach, who focuses

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on where is this coming from.

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So yeah, it's really important to go back to the root cause

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of many of these behaviors that may be not serving you anymore.

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So the next logical question is what determines what we think?

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Our thoughts and feelings are influenced by so many factors, including our

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beliefs, past experiences, conditioning, and all of the information we consume.

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So here are a few key factors that play a role.

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So you can start to identify and really consciously create those thoughts.

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So firstly, our beliefs, which as a coach we all know lots about limiting beliefs.

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So they shape our perception of the world and ourselves.

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I like to think of it as a stained glass window, and you can be sitting

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in a church or something and depending on exactly where you are sitting, the

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room will look completely different.

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And the sunshine shining through those windows will give you a different

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view of what's happening in that room than the person sitting next to you

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or the person sitting in front of you.

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So that always helps me think about those beliefs and how they

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can distort our view of the world.

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If you don't believe that this is possible for you, for example.

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So challenging and evaluating these beliefs is going to really help you to

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create new possibilities and empower you to take the necessary steps forward.

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It always helps me to write them down because I don't think we can think

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our way out of a limiting belief.

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So it always helps to kind of get it down and then start to more rationally see our

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way through and obviously feel our way through is the ultimate solution here.

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So past experiences is the next thing you can reflect on.

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Especially if those were challenging or traumatic, they will greatly

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impact your thoughts and emotions.

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I really notice this with my clients and how their past experiences are holding

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them back depending on the individual.

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So, everybody I work with I get to know so well, and I really start to

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spot their patterns, which may be from beliefs, from experiences, from

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all of these things we're covering.

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So yeah, think about your past experiences and if, for example, not wanting to

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speak up at school is still affecting you to this day because it genuinely does.

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The next thing that you can reflect on and how this may be impacting on your

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thoughts is conditioning and society.

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So your family, history and being a woman carries lots of history with it.

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That will impact on how we behave versus how men behave.

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So there is a lot that comes with our conditioning and society.

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The awareness is key.

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So the next one I really like it's information and media because

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the more information we consume, whether through the news, social

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media, or other places, influence our thoughts and emotions greatly.

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So I, for example, rarely watch the news and rarely really

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scroll Instagram or social media.

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You know I just don't really do that much.

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I do sometimes create stuff, but I don't really consume very much at all.

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And actually, you know what?

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That actually serves me really well because I think the few times I do, you

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just end up feeling depressed or worried.

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So yeah I'm quite happy living in my little bubble.

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So think about what information and media you are consuming.

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The next one is self-talk.

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So that negative self-talk that we all have undermines our

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confidence and discourages action.

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So back to Brene Brown, who I continuously keep talking about, self-compassion

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and vulnerability is really key.

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In summary of today's episode, to help you overcome inaction and start taking

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steps towards your goals become aware of the influencing factors that we've

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talked about and how they can help you to shift your thoughts and emotions.

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So things like journaling, self-reflection, mindset work.

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Body work.

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Seeking support from a coach or therapist surrounding yourself with positive

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and a supportive community are so key.

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Change starts from within and consciously choosing those empowering thoughts

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and beliefs can really help you to actually thrive in your business.

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It's not just about the strategy.

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I would say 50% strategy, 50% inner work is required.

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So in this episode, we explored those factors.

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Firstly our beliefs.

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Secondly, our past experiences.

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Thirdly, conditioning and society influences.

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Fourthly, information and media and what you're consuming there.

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And lastly, self-talk and that inner dialogue that we all have with ourselves.

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So I really hope that this episode gives you some things to think about

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in a kind of structured framework way to really help you to get a handle on

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that negative voice that tells you, you can't do this because, oh, yes, you can.

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And like I say at the end of every episode, trust yourself.

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Believe in yourself and be the wise gardener who keeps on watering the seed.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

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Please come and say hi to me on LinkedIn or Instagram and let me

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know how you are getting on in your coaching business and how you are

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gonna go for your dreams this year.

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My name on LinkedIn is Joanna Lott and on Instagram is at Joanna Lott Coaching, and

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I'll also put links in the show notes.

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Let me know if you found this episode useful.

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Share it with a friend and leave me a review, and I will

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personally thank you for that.

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Thank you so much for listening.