33 | Detaching your self-worth from your work
How often have you attached your self-worth to your business success? 🚢
You’re on a high when you’re gaining clients…
…And you’re on a low when there’s no clients.
Detaching Self-Worth from Work [00:00:38]
Exploring the negative spiral of tying self-worth to work success and the impact it has on taking action.
Navigating the Coaching Storm [00:02:45]
Discussing the challenges and struggles faced in growing a coaching business and the importance of maintaining self-worth amidst the ups and downs.
Resilience in the Face of Shame [00:09:54]
Exploring the power of shame and the need to build resilience in order to overcome fear, judgment, and shame in pursuing business success.
The benefits of daily meditation [00:12:33]
Jo discusses the importance of daily meditation in building their business and how it helped her manage her emotions and mindset.
The importance of inner work in building a successful business [00:13:38]
Jo emphasises the significance of doing inner work and cultivating the right mindset to achieve success in business, highlighting that it goes beyond just finding a niche.
Promotion of a new training on securing coaching clients [00:14:59]
Jo mentions a recently recorded training that provides a roadmap for building a coaching business and offers deeper insights into core elements for securing more coaching clients. You can access it here.
Useful Links
Meet me live to prepare for a profitable 2024 in Barnes, London, on 30 November
How to secure more coaching clients' free training
Download the 12 ways to get clients now
Learn about The Business of Coaching programme
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If you’re kind enough to leave a review, please do let Jo know so she can say thank you. You can always reach her at: joanna@joannalottcoaching.com
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Mentioned in this episode:
Dare Greatly in person event - 8 November
Join me at this Autumn special of Dare Greatly. Here's the link to book to join me on 8 November - I can't wait to see you then. https://go.joannalottcoaching.com/daregreatlynovreservespace
Transcript
Hello and welcome to Women in
the Coaching Arena podcast.
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:I'm so glad you are here.
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:I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor
and ICF accredited coach
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:Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):
and I help coaches to
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:build brilliant businesses.
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:I know that when you prepare to enter
the arena, there is fear, self doubt,
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:comparison, anxiety, uncertainty, shame.
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:You can tend to armor up and
protect yourself from vulnerability.
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:In this podcast, I'll be sharing
honest, not hype, practical and
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:emotional tools to support you to make
the difference that you are here for.
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:Dare greatly.
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:You belong in this arena.
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:Welcome to the 33rd episode of
women in the coaching arena.
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:I am so glad you are here.
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:Today I want to talk about detaching
your self worth from your work because
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:it's a really negative spiral you
can fall into, if for example, you're
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:having a really bad month or growth is
super slow in your business and you're
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:not bringing in the income you want.
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:So then you start to feel like a failure.
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:And that feeling, as a coach you'll know
this, of feeling like a failure will
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:mean that you often don't take the action
of someone who is super successful.
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:You will take the action of someone
who feels like a failure, which is not
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:the sort of action that is going to
generate those results that you want.
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:So I want to dive deep into this today.
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:So let's talk about your intrinsic worth.
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:Amidst that rollercoaster journey
of growing your coaching business.
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:I'll also be bringing bits of Brene Brown
into this because she is obviously big
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:on self-worth and exploring those really
deep reasons why this may be happening.
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:Starting with navigating
the coaching storm.
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:So the ship of your coaching
business sales through serene seas
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:and turbulent storms, doesn't it.
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:I love this meditation, which always
used to say, drop down to where
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:there is space beneath the waves.
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:And it really, really helped me
on so many occasions because I can
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:really put myself to that place.
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:Where it's still and calm and quiet
instead of where we spend most of
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:our time, which is up on the waves,
getting bashed and battered by
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:whatever is happening in our lives.
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:What we're aiming for is for you and
your self worth to stand there, like
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:a lighthouse, resiliently amidst the
success and struggles of your business.
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:One of my clients asked me last week, what
do you put your business success down to?
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:And I thought really hard
about this because it's really
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:hard to think of one thing.
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:And she specifically said, what one thing
do you put your business success down to?
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:So.
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:I managed to come up with two, obviously.
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:So I said, firstly, passion, your
excitement that this can change lives
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:will genuinely change your business
because if you have that passion and
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:you have that enthusiasm, you cannot
help but to show up and share it.
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:And my second one was vulnerability.
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:I really do see this
as my hidden strength.
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:Because no one likes the
person who pretends that
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:they have it all figured out.
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:If you are a mum, for example, the least
popular person, or the person you would
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:think, oh, how have I got stuck with you?
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:Is the person who is saying, oh no,
my baby sleeping through the night.
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:Oh yeah, they eat all their food.
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:Oh they're just no trouble at all.
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:So we don't always want to know that.
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:And yes, well, obviously we
can celebrate those things.
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:We also need to see the other side and
know that everyone's life is 50- 50.
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:Sometimes they're up,
sometimes they're down.
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:And if anyone pretends that it's all up.
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:You know that there is probably
some dishonesty going on.
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:So I think vulnerability, just like Brene
Brown shares, is a huge strength of yours.
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:Brene Brown talks herself about how
she felt after her Ted talk went viral.
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:Suddenly, she felt that overwhelming
pressure of disappointing others.
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:And has worked a lot on ensuring that
her self-worth was not determined by
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:that public approval or criticism.
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:So embrace that the vulnerability
of the moment you may be in
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:now, and what's not going well.
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:Is what you will genuinely look
back on with pride, knowing.
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:Wow, I got through that.
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:I saw a James Clear quote this week
which said something like if you
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:are not prepared to feel the lows,
you will never feel the highs.
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:So you will never reach your potential.
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:If you are so busy, avoiding, failing a
launch or someone saying no that you can't
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:speak at their event or something that
you want to do for your business, but you
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:are allowing that fear of failure to be
stronger than your desire for success.
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:And it's a really easy thing to
do, and I definitely do it as well.
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:And the moments that I'm proudest of
is when I just do the thing and don't
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:let that fear of failure stop me.
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:Let's talk about the arena of coaching.
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:Considering this podcast is called
women in the coaching arena.
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:I am super passionate about helping those
who are willing to step in the arena.
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:Because you are exposing yourself
to failure, criticism, but you're
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:also opening doors to immense
learnings, genuine connections
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:and changing people's lives.
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:I've been having quite a few
calls with people considering
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:joining my program recently.
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:And something I'm really kind of coming
around to now is that if they are not
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:prepared to step in the arena and try.
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:I cannot help them.
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:So there's no point me bending over
backwards, trying to say, I can do
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:this payment plan or I can do this.
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:Because it's nothing to do with that.
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:And I don't think that that
is often the barrier to entry.
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:It is that decision that you are prepared
to step in the arena and put your money
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:on the line to say, this will work for me.
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:And that is a really big moment and
no one can take that moment from you.
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:That is your decision to decide.
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:And so that is why I love that moment
when someone makes the decision,
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:because it's you, that gets to
decide if you are successful or not.
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:Yes, I can help you once you've made
that decision, but until you have made
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:that decision that you're going all in
and getting in the arena, no matter how
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:many amazing strategies I present to
you or how much I try and support you?
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:There will be nothing I can do until
you have internally made that decision
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:that you will be a success story.
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:The next part I wanted to
talk about was empathy.
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:And that is really easy for a
coach because most of us really
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:want to do good in the world.
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:Connection is really built in empathy.
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:So it is sharing vulnerability struggles
and authentic emotions, which is how
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:you actually build relationships.
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:So can we as coaches hold our worth
tenderly and allow that authentic,
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:empathetic self to shine through
and really support who we are.
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:Whilst it may not be easy, for example, if
it's coach training, we're talking about,
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:I remember when I thought, like many
coaches think, when I get that certificate
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:in my hand, it was my ILM level seven
in executive coaching and mentoring,
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:I will be able to charge for coaching.
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:But what happens?
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:Oh, then I go to a networking
meeting and realise that there's
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:all these other coaches around
me who are ICF ACC, accredited.
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:So, what did I do?
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:I thought I will not be
ready until I am iCF.
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:ACC accredited.
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:So I got my gold pin in the post.
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:And I still didn't get that
moment that told me I was ready.
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:So if you are procrastilearning, I
heard that term recently, then know you
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:are never going to get to the point.
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:Where you feel ready?
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:You need to make that decision.
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:It's just a decision that
you are ready to go for it.
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:And back to my previous point,
it's a decision only you can make.
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:No one else can talk you over the line.
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:You need to be able to
step in your own power.
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:And decide that you are
good enough to get started.
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:And not wait for that complete
moment of enoughness cause I'm not
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:sure how many people on this planet
ever feel like they are good enough.
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:I was listening to the diary
of a CEO podcast recently.
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:I can't remember what
guests he had on now.
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:But he said, hardly
anyone has that feeling.
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:You know, we all are
trying to seek approval.
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:Most of us have that feeling of what if
it's not good enough, so do you not let
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:that stop you because the person next
to you will also be feeling that thing.
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:And this is another thing I've
learned from going to masterminds.
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:I had a full in-person day on Friday and
I remember thinking when I was joining
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:this mastermind, you know, I'm going to
be surrounded by these people that have
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:it all figured out because you know,
there was quite a high entry to get in.
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:And actually you kind of
get there and you think.
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:You know, they're just the same as me.
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:So just always remember that you
are as worthy as the next person.
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:Let's now talk about resilience
in the face of shame, because as
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:my coach often tells me, shame
is the most powerful emotion.
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:Well, other than obviously things like
gratitude, which is the most powerful
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:emotion the other way, but shame is the
most, I was about to say horrible emotion,
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:but you're not meant to think emotions
are horrible, but it's like, it really,
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:really does, stop you in your tracks.
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:I saw something shared by Steven
Bartlett last week, which said your
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:level of success is determined by
your ability to be uncomfortable.
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:And I really, really do
resonate with that because it is
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:uncomfortable building a business.
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:So we need to build your
resilience to do the thing.
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:Overcome that horrible feeling of
being judged and feel that shame
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:of perhaps if you're putting your
first social media post out there.
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:And worrying about what your
friends and family will think.
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:Well, that moment and doing that and
overcoming that first little hurdle will
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:build your resilience for the next hurdle.
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:And then that will build your
resilience for the next hurdle.
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:So then you will be able to perhaps
speak at big event and things that you
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:never thought was possible for you.
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:But what that all depends on is
you being prepared to risk feeling
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:that horrible emotion of shame,
which again, I'm not meant to say is
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:horrible, but it really is horrible.
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:And you will build your shame resilience.
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:So it's not your lack of clients or
failed strategy that will determine your
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:worth, but your amazing spirit to stand,
tall, learn and pivot in such moments.
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:It's that that makes you successful.
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:It's never the absence of setbacks.
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:But how you can deal with those setbacks
to sculpt your journey and build
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:that legacy that you are here for.
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:So ask yourself now.
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:Am, I prepared to feel the lows in order
to feel the highs, which might be a super
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:successful, meaningful, amazing business,
which changes lives and leaves a legacy?
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:Lastly, let's talk about
courageous leadership.
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:Drop down beneath the waves.
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:So even when the seas are rough, you
can find that moment of stillness.
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:And this is when meditation
is really useful.
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:I used to do meditation every single day.
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:I must admit now I do a bit
at the end of my yoga, but I
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:don't do as much as I used to.
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:And I'm really noticing it because
it was meditation daily that
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:helped me to build my business.
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:I did a Deepak Chopra 30 day meditation
challenge, and it was the best thing
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:I ever did because I finally felt
able to witness my emotions enough
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:to be able to work through them in
my mind and realise that feelings I
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:was feeling may not be actually true.
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:They may not be meaning that I am going
to get eaten by tigers, and lions.
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:It may just be a really
small little hiccup.
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:I have a form that I send to my clients
to talk about how they're doing.
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:And, one of the questions is what are you
doing right now to support your mindset?
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:Because it's easy to think that it's
all strategy and that they need me to
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:tell them to do something else, but
most of the time, it really isn't.
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:Yes, it sounds like the softer side.
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:But I think if you aren't doing
that inner work, it's really hard
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:to build a successful business.
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:So it's that feeling that we want
to cultivate with all of our work.
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:And I work tirelessly on building
the belief with my clients.
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:Because it's not just
about nailing your niche.
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:Two people could have
the exact same niche.
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:One will be successful and one won't.
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:And why is that?
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:It's just because of these underlying
things that may be different.
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:It's all in the nuances.
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:So I know that and I want to be
able to support you to really move
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:forward in those nuances and really
step into who you are here to be.
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:Remember that your business success
relies on being prepared to feel
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:uncomfortable and allowing yourself
the support to continue to do the
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:thing, even if you are uncomfortable.
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:Because it's the other side of
that uncomfortableness where
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:your thriving business lies.
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:I recently recorded a new training on
how to secure more coaching clients.
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:It will literally give you the
roadmap, to build your business and
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:we'll dive deeper into two or three
of the really core elements to help
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:you to secure more coaching clients.
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:The clue is in the title.
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:So you can find the link
to that free master class.
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:It's up for a short while.
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:In the show notes.
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:I hope you enjoy today's episode.
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:If you want the love and
support to build your business.
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:That's what I do in my
signature coaching program.
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:The business of coaching.
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:You will find the link to join in
the show notes and feel free to ask
235
:any questions about whether this
is the right program to help you to
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:build a thriving coaching business.
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:And like I say, at the end of every
episode, trust yourself, believe
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:in yourself and be the wise Gardner
who keeps on watering the seed.
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:Thank you so much for listening to this
episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.
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:I have a mess of free resources on
my website joannalottcoaching.com.
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:That's Joanna with an A
and Lott with two T's.
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:joannalottcoaching.com.
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:And I'll also put links in the show notes.
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:Let me know if you found
this episode useful.
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:Share it with a friend and
leave me a review, and I will
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:personally thank you for that.
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:Remember to trust yourself, believe
in yourself and be the wise Gardner
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:who keeps on watering the seed.
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:Get into the arena dare, greatly and try.