G-BLLC06DBK9 520165642414387 33 | Detaching your self-worth from your work - Women in The Coaching Arena

Episode 33

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Published on:

26th Oct 2023

33 | Detaching your self-worth from your work

How often have you attached your self-worth to your business success? 🚢

You’re on a high when you’re gaining clients…

…And you’re on a low when there’s no clients.

Detaching Self-Worth from Work [00:00:38]

Exploring the negative spiral of tying self-worth to work success and the impact it has on taking action.

Navigating the Coaching Storm [00:02:45]

Discussing the challenges and struggles faced in growing a coaching business and the importance of maintaining self-worth amidst the ups and downs.

Resilience in the Face of Shame [00:09:54]

Exploring the power of shame and the need to build resilience in order to overcome fear, judgment, and shame in pursuing business success.


The benefits of daily meditation [00:12:33]

Jo discusses the importance of daily meditation in building their business and how it helped her manage her emotions and mindset.


The importance of inner work in building a successful business [00:13:38]

Jo emphasises the significance of doing inner work and cultivating the right mindset to achieve success in business, highlighting that it goes beyond just finding a niche.


Promotion of a new training on securing coaching clients [00:14:59]

Jo mentions a recently recorded training that provides a roadmap for building a coaching business and offers deeper insights into core elements for securing more coaching clients. You can access it here.

Useful Links

Sign up here: From Generic to Genius: how to choose a profitable niche and offer - Free LIVE workshop on 23 November at 10-11am GMT.

Meet me live to prepare for a profitable 2024 in Barnes, London, on 30 November

How to secure more coaching clients' free training

Download the 12 ways to get clients now

Learn about The Business of Coaching programme

Connect with Jo on LinkedIn


Rate and Review the Podcast

If you found this episode of Women in the Coaching Arena helpful, please do rate and review it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

If you’re kind enough to leave a review, please do let Jo know so she can say thank you. You can always reach her at: joanna@joannalottcoaching.com


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Mentioned in this episode:

Dare Greatly in person event - 8 November

Join me at this Autumn special of Dare Greatly. Here's the link to book to join me on 8 November - I can't wait to see you then. https://go.joannalottcoaching.com/daregreatlynovreservespace

Transcript
Speaker:

Hello and welcome to Women in

the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here.

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I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor

and ICF accredited coach

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):

and I help coaches to

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build brilliant businesses.

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I know that when you prepare to enter

the arena, there is fear, self doubt,

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comparison, anxiety, uncertainty, shame.

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You can tend to armor up and

protect yourself from vulnerability.

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In this podcast, I'll be sharing

honest, not hype, practical and

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emotional tools to support you to make

the difference that you are here for.

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Dare greatly.

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You belong in this arena.

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Welcome to the 33rd episode of

women in the coaching arena.

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I am so glad you are here.

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Today I want to talk about detaching

your self worth from your work because

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it's a really negative spiral you

can fall into, if for example, you're

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having a really bad month or growth is

super slow in your business and you're

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not bringing in the income you want.

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So then you start to feel like a failure.

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And that feeling, as a coach you'll know

this, of feeling like a failure will

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mean that you often don't take the action

of someone who is super successful.

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You will take the action of someone

who feels like a failure, which is not

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the sort of action that is going to

generate those results that you want.

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So I want to dive deep into this today.

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So let's talk about your intrinsic worth.

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Amidst that rollercoaster journey

of growing your coaching business.

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I'll also be bringing bits of Brene Brown

into this because she is obviously big

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on self-worth and exploring those really

deep reasons why this may be happening.

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Starting with navigating

the coaching storm.

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So the ship of your coaching

business sales through serene seas

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and turbulent storms, doesn't it.

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I love this meditation, which always

used to say, drop down to where

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there is space beneath the waves.

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And it really, really helped me

on so many occasions because I can

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really put myself to that place.

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Where it's still and calm and quiet

instead of where we spend most of

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our time, which is up on the waves,

getting bashed and battered by

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whatever is happening in our lives.

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What we're aiming for is for you and

your self worth to stand there, like

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a lighthouse, resiliently amidst the

success and struggles of your business.

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One of my clients asked me last week, what

do you put your business success down to?

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And I thought really hard

about this because it's really

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hard to think of one thing.

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And she specifically said, what one thing

do you put your business success down to?

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So.

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I managed to come up with two, obviously.

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So I said, firstly, passion, your

excitement that this can change lives

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will genuinely change your business

because if you have that passion and

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you have that enthusiasm, you cannot

help but to show up and share it.

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And my second one was vulnerability.

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I really do see this

as my hidden strength.

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Because no one likes the

person who pretends that

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they have it all figured out.

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If you are a mum, for example, the least

popular person, or the person you would

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think, oh, how have I got stuck with you?

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Is the person who is saying, oh no,

my baby sleeping through the night.

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Oh yeah, they eat all their food.

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Oh they're just no trouble at all.

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So we don't always want to know that.

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And yes, well, obviously we

can celebrate those things.

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We also need to see the other side and

know that everyone's life is 50- 50.

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Sometimes they're up,

sometimes they're down.

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And if anyone pretends that it's all up.

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You know that there is probably

some dishonesty going on.

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So I think vulnerability, just like Brene

Brown shares, is a huge strength of yours.

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Brene Brown talks herself about how

she felt after her Ted talk went viral.

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Suddenly, she felt that overwhelming

pressure of disappointing others.

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And has worked a lot on ensuring that

her self-worth was not determined by

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that public approval or criticism.

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So embrace that the vulnerability

of the moment you may be in

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now, and what's not going well.

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Is what you will genuinely look

back on with pride, knowing.

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Wow, I got through that.

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I saw a James Clear quote this week

which said something like if you

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are not prepared to feel the lows,

you will never feel the highs.

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So you will never reach your potential.

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If you are so busy, avoiding, failing a

launch or someone saying no that you can't

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speak at their event or something that

you want to do for your business, but you

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are allowing that fear of failure to be

stronger than your desire for success.

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And it's a really easy thing to

do, and I definitely do it as well.

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And the moments that I'm proudest of

is when I just do the thing and don't

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let that fear of failure stop me.

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Let's talk about the arena of coaching.

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Considering this podcast is called

women in the coaching arena.

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I am super passionate about helping those

who are willing to step in the arena.

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Because you are exposing yourself

to failure, criticism, but you're

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also opening doors to immense

learnings, genuine connections

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and changing people's lives.

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I've been having quite a few

calls with people considering

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joining my program recently.

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And something I'm really kind of coming

around to now is that if they are not

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prepared to step in the arena and try.

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I cannot help them.

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So there's no point me bending over

backwards, trying to say, I can do

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this payment plan or I can do this.

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Because it's nothing to do with that.

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And I don't think that that

is often the barrier to entry.

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It is that decision that you are prepared

to step in the arena and put your money

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on the line to say, this will work for me.

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And that is a really big moment and

no one can take that moment from you.

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That is your decision to decide.

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And so that is why I love that moment

when someone makes the decision,

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because it's you, that gets to

decide if you are successful or not.

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Yes, I can help you once you've made

that decision, but until you have made

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that decision that you're going all in

and getting in the arena, no matter how

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many amazing strategies I present to

you or how much I try and support you?

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There will be nothing I can do until

you have internally made that decision

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that you will be a success story.

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The next part I wanted to

talk about was empathy.

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And that is really easy for a

coach because most of us really

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want to do good in the world.

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Connection is really built in empathy.

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So it is sharing vulnerability struggles

and authentic emotions, which is how

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you actually build relationships.

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So can we as coaches hold our worth

tenderly and allow that authentic,

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empathetic self to shine through

and really support who we are.

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Whilst it may not be easy, for example, if

it's coach training, we're talking about,

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I remember when I thought, like many

coaches think, when I get that certificate

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in my hand, it was my ILM level seven

in executive coaching and mentoring,

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I will be able to charge for coaching.

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But what happens?

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Oh, then I go to a networking

meeting and realise that there's

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all these other coaches around

me who are ICF ACC, accredited.

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So, what did I do?

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I thought I will not be

ready until I am iCF.

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ACC accredited.

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So I got my gold pin in the post.

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And I still didn't get that

moment that told me I was ready.

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So if you are procrastilearning, I

heard that term recently, then know you

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are never going to get to the point.

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Where you feel ready?

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You need to make that decision.

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It's just a decision that

you are ready to go for it.

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And back to my previous point,

it's a decision only you can make.

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No one else can talk you over the line.

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You need to be able to

step in your own power.

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And decide that you are

good enough to get started.

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And not wait for that complete

moment of enoughness cause I'm not

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sure how many people on this planet

ever feel like they are good enough.

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I was listening to the diary

of a CEO podcast recently.

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I can't remember what

guests he had on now.

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But he said, hardly

anyone has that feeling.

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You know, we all are

trying to seek approval.

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Most of us have that feeling of what if

it's not good enough, so do you not let

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that stop you because the person next

to you will also be feeling that thing.

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And this is another thing I've

learned from going to masterminds.

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I had a full in-person day on Friday and

I remember thinking when I was joining

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this mastermind, you know, I'm going to

be surrounded by these people that have

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it all figured out because you know,

there was quite a high entry to get in.

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And actually you kind of

get there and you think.

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You know, they're just the same as me.

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So just always remember that you

are as worthy as the next person.

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Let's now talk about resilience

in the face of shame, because as

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my coach often tells me, shame

is the most powerful emotion.

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Well, other than obviously things like

gratitude, which is the most powerful

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emotion the other way, but shame is the

most, I was about to say horrible emotion,

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but you're not meant to think emotions

are horrible, but it's like, it really,

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really does, stop you in your tracks.

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I saw something shared by Steven

Bartlett last week, which said your

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level of success is determined by

your ability to be uncomfortable.

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And I really, really do

resonate with that because it is

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uncomfortable building a business.

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So we need to build your

resilience to do the thing.

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Overcome that horrible feeling of

being judged and feel that shame

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of perhaps if you're putting your

first social media post out there.

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And worrying about what your

friends and family will think.

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Well, that moment and doing that and

overcoming that first little hurdle will

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build your resilience for the next hurdle.

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And then that will build your

resilience for the next hurdle.

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So then you will be able to perhaps

speak at big event and things that you

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never thought was possible for you.

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But what that all depends on is

you being prepared to risk feeling

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that horrible emotion of shame,

which again, I'm not meant to say is

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horrible, but it really is horrible.

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And you will build your shame resilience.

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So it's not your lack of clients or

failed strategy that will determine your

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worth, but your amazing spirit to stand,

tall, learn and pivot in such moments.

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It's that that makes you successful.

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It's never the absence of setbacks.

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But how you can deal with those setbacks

to sculpt your journey and build

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that legacy that you are here for.

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So ask yourself now.

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Am, I prepared to feel the lows in order

to feel the highs, which might be a super

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successful, meaningful, amazing business,

which changes lives and leaves a legacy?

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Lastly, let's talk about

courageous leadership.

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Drop down beneath the waves.

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So even when the seas are rough, you

can find that moment of stillness.

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And this is when meditation

is really useful.

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I used to do meditation every single day.

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I must admit now I do a bit

at the end of my yoga, but I

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don't do as much as I used to.

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And I'm really noticing it because

it was meditation daily that

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helped me to build my business.

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I did a Deepak Chopra 30 day meditation

challenge, and it was the best thing

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I ever did because I finally felt

able to witness my emotions enough

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to be able to work through them in

my mind and realise that feelings I

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was feeling may not be actually true.

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They may not be meaning that I am going

to get eaten by tigers, and lions.

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It may just be a really

small little hiccup.

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I have a form that I send to my clients

to talk about how they're doing.

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And, one of the questions is what are you

doing right now to support your mindset?

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Because it's easy to think that it's

all strategy and that they need me to

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tell them to do something else, but

most of the time, it really isn't.

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Yes, it sounds like the softer side.

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But I think if you aren't doing

that inner work, it's really hard

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to build a successful business.

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So it's that feeling that we want

to cultivate with all of our work.

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And I work tirelessly on building

the belief with my clients.

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Because it's not just

about nailing your niche.

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Two people could have

the exact same niche.

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One will be successful and one won't.

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And why is that?

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It's just because of these underlying

things that may be different.

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It's all in the nuances.

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So I know that and I want to be

able to support you to really move

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forward in those nuances and really

step into who you are here to be.

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Remember that your business success

relies on being prepared to feel

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uncomfortable and allowing yourself

the support to continue to do the

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thing, even if you are uncomfortable.

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Because it's the other side of

that uncomfortableness where

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your thriving business lies.

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I recently recorded a new training on

how to secure more coaching clients.

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It will literally give you the

roadmap, to build your business and

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we'll dive deeper into two or three

of the really core elements to help

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you to secure more coaching clients.

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The clue is in the title.

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So you can find the link

to that free master class.

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It's up for a short while.

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In the show notes.

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I hope you enjoy today's episode.

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If you want the love and

support to build your business.

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That's what I do in my

signature coaching program.

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The business of coaching.

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You will find the link to join in

the show notes and feel free to ask

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any questions about whether this

is the right program to help you to

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build a thriving coaching business.

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And like I say, at the end of every

episode, trust yourself, believe

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in yourself and be the wise Gardner

who keeps on watering the seed.

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Thank you so much for listening to this

episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

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I have a mess of free resources on

my website joannalottcoaching.com.

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That's Joanna with an A

and Lott with two T's.

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joannalottcoaching.com.

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And I'll also put links in the show notes.

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Let me know if you found

this episode useful.

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Share it with a friend and

leave me a review, and I will

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personally thank you for that.

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Remember to trust yourself, believe

in yourself and be the wise Gardner

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who keeps on watering the seed.

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Get into the arena dare, greatly and try.

Show artwork for Women in The Coaching Arena

About the Podcast

Women in The Coaching Arena
Helping compassionate coaches to grow their coaching businesses with practical and emotional tools so that more brilliant coaches build brilliant coaching businesses
Are you a coach who's passionate about making a difference and building a thriving coaching business? Join Joanna Lott, a business mentor and ICF certified coach, as she shares practical and emotional tools to help you succeed in the coaching arena.

In each weekly Thursday episode of The Women in the Coaching Arena Podcast, Joanna provides valuable insights and actionable advice on various topics, such as business strategy, marketing, mindset, energy and entrepreneurship. Whether you're just starting or have years of experience, this podcast is for you.

You have a gift that needs to be shared and Joanna is here to help you do it.

About your host

Profile picture for Joanna Lott

Joanna Lott

Joanna Lott helps coaches stand out and get clients - with honesty not hype.

She has 20 years’ experience of working within HR and Governance in trade unions and financial services.

After qualifying as an ICF Executive Coach she set about learning everything she could about business, sales and marketing and quickly built a profitable career and executive coaching business around her young family.

Other coaches started asking her how she did it, so she’s supported 35 coaches in the last year alone to help them to build their business and get clients so they can make a living doing work they love.