20 | The power of setting boundaries in your business

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Hello and welcome to Women in the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here.

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I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor and ICF accredited coach, and I'm on a

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mission to help brilliant coaches build brilliant coaching businesses.

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In this podcast, I'll be sharing honest, not hype, practical and

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emotional tools to support you to make the difference that you are here for.

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): Hello, welcome to episode 20

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of women in the coaching arena.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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I'm your host, Jo Lott.

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And today we are going to talk about something close to my heart.

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It's close to my heart because it's something that I

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really struggle with because.

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As you may know, as an entrepreneur, it is all consuming.

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And when something means so much to you.

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And pretty much, depends on you.

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Then it is really hard to switch off.

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So I'm recording today's episode on boundaries as much for me as well as you.

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So something really interesting happened this week and I was taking on a new client

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and they completed their onboarding form.

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And they said something really poignant, which literally hit the nail on the head

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for how most people in this space feel, which is, I would love to feel like I'm

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not looking for the next client while I'm so busy serving my current clients.

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And I think that is a really good point.

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And sometimes you may not be busy serving clients, but you will be busy.

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I guarantee you.

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And even if you are busy signing clients, there is always that tendency

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to think when's the next one coming.

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So if you feel like that this episode today will really help you.

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So we live in a world that often glorifies the idea of being constantly available.

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And needing to reply to WhatsApps and messages instantly

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and say yes to everything.

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And as a result, you might find yourself overwhelmed, exhausted.

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Stretched too thin, personally and professionally.

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And especially at the start of their business.

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The first two years, particularly all really intensive and will

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require quite a lot of hustle energy, whether we like it or not.

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There is a lot to learn when you first start out and there was a

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lot to do in terms of building up your credibility, building up

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your network and your audience.

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Doing the basics, like what you offering, doing your website,

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all of these things really do take a toll when you first start.

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So if you are in that place right now know that it's completely

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normal and you are not alone.

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But I do know that setting boundaries is not selfish and it's essential for

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your wellbeing and the growth of both you and your business, because burnout

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is the biggest threat to entrepreneurs.

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So let's start by defining what boundaries are.

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Boundaries are the invisible lines that we can draw around ourselves to protect our

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physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.

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They define what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in our

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relationships work and personal life.

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And setting those boundaries allows you to honor your own needs, values,

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priorities and helps you to make choices that align with what you truly want

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versus being in that place where you react and say yes, before you have

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even realized that you've said it.

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One area in business where you may want to think about setting boundaries.

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Is whether you want to have set times for your work.

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Like we've kind of been brought up to believe the nine to five is

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the way to go, or whether you are happy with a more flexible approach.

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So that is something that takes a lot of thinking about when

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you first start and it's easy to create another job for yourself.

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And that may not be what really suits you.

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I would never say it's not okay to work in the evenings.

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You know, to be honest, I wouldn't have a business if I didn't work in

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the evenings when I first started out, because I had two days of childcare.

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And so yeah, it needed a lot of work and that was what I was prepared

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to do when I first started out, because I wanted this to work.

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But now in my life, I am no longer in that place.

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I would never do evening calls anymore.

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I wouldn't work on my holidays anymore.

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I absolutely love my weekends.

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Yes.

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I might sneak off occasionally and record my podcast because it's my favorite

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thing to do, and I really enjoy it.

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And it's kind of like just talking to a friend.

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But I do have a lot clearer boundaries than I used to.

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The same goes with my clients.

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I used to have Voxer access, which is basically when people

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can message you all the time.

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But I found, I just couldn't ignore the message.

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If something came in on a Sunday morning I would then reply at

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like 7:00 AM on a Sunday morning.

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And I found it really hard to switch off so I don't include box

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access anymore in my programs.

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So have a think about what you might want as a good balance for you.

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And what you might need to say no to, to really focus on what matters to

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you and your priorities right now.

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And if you are a people pleaser, like I am or I am trying to recover from.

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You may be thinking, but how do I set boundaries without feeling guilty

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or hurting others by saying no.

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It's a really valid concern and especially as a woman, I think.

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Again, that comes up more often.

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We are expected to be that caring type and we can be thought of as a B

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word, if we are clear and boundaried.

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What I think helps in these occasions is to think of setting boundaries as an

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act of self-love and not selfishness.

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It's actually respecting yourself honoring your needs, which ultimately

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will benefit everyone around you.

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I've talked a few times about my daily yoga practice that I sneak off and do.

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And I felt really bad about this when I first started.

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But it really does help my family as well as me.

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So it is something that I am very boundaried about and I

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will make a priority because I know it's really important.

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So here are a few steps to help you to start setting boundaries in

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a healthy and compassionate way.

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So step one, reflect on your needs and values.

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Take some time to think about your core needs and values right now.

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What do you need to feel fulfilled right now?

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And recognize those non-negotiables and prioritize them.

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Like I said, sometimes things will need to shift depending

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on what your priorities are.

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Like I mentioned, my priority at the start was build a business, and that does

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require a lot of time and a lot of energy.

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So sadly, I couldn't say I'm only going to do this between 10 and two when my

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son's at nursery, because it's going to genuinely take more than eight

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hours a week to build my business.

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So that's why that priority needed to be clear in my mind, to be able

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to create an effective boundary.

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Step two communicate clearly and kindly.

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I practice this with my coach, a lot being clear, assertive,

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and kind in your communication.

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I find it really hard to be direct and dress it up with

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a lot of niceties sometimes.

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So I am practicing expressing my needs and limits without apologizing.

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And so again if you are a woman you probably notice that tendency

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of saying, I'm really sorry, but.

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If someone is asking for something that you aren't prepared to to

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maybe we don't need to apologize.

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Maybe we just need to say that's not a priority for me right now

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remembering that you have the right to protect your own wellbeing.

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Step three is practice self-compassion.

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Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first.

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I know it certainly does for me.

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Certain grounding exercises, like putting your hands on your heart.

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Hugging yourself, doing EFT.

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If you haven't tried it already, I would recommend looking at, up on

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YouTube, emotional freedom technique.

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And you can put in EFT for any sort of feeling you may be having

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so EFT for anxiety, for example.

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And you will find short three to five minute practices that you can do to

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really bring you back to your center.

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It really does help taking that time out and you will then feel

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more able to enforce that boundary.

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Step four is be consistent.

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Consistency is key when setting boundaries, if you have kids,

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you will know all about this.

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What is, and isn't acceptable.

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Like for example, we have stopped the kids playing on electronic

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devices in the school week.

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And it's really helped because I think before sometimes if I was

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working, I'd let them go on it.

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And then other times I wouldn't.

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And so it really just didn't work.

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And now just reflecting on it they haven't asked me in months, because

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obviously now we have a clear boundary in place and they know the rules.

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So the same goes for us, set your limits and don't waiver.

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This consistency will help others to understand and respect your boundaries.

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Step five is to respect others' boundaries.

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So as we start to set and maintain our own boundaries, Remember to

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acknowledge and respect others as well.

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We have no idea what is going on in people's lives.

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Someone was pressing me to have a call recently.

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There was just no time.

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I haven't spoken to my mother in a month and I just thought, well, like if I've

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got one half an hour my day, I can't prioritize this call when I don't know the

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purpose of the call or anything about it.

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And before you think, oh my goodness, I'm just no good at this boundaries thing.

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I just know that it is an ongoing process as is life of self-discovery and growth.

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As you practice it, you will get better.

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I'm on a mastermind at the moment, and one of the people is brilliant at setting

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boundaries and we had an in-person day last week and she gave a talk.

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And she is just so good.

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There is no email on her phone.

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There's no social media apps.

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She never ever checks that email on holidays or on weekends.

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It was a real inspiration of how you can get to that place where

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you are really utilizing your time and maximizing your effort.

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Let's talk about how setting boundaries can make a huge difference in your life.

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So what's in it for you is reclaiming control over your life.

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Eliminating unnecessary stress and distractions.

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Having new found clarity and focus to pursue your goals with renewed energy.

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It also enables you to have a stronger sense of self worth because you

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are sending a really core message to you that you are important.

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So there are so many reasons why drawing up your boundaries today can make a big

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difference in your life and your business.

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As your business grows I am sure like I have, you will become

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more intentional about how you spend your time and your energy.

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And choose activities and relationships that nourish you

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and help you to feel really good.

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The steps that we covered to begin setting healthy boundaries were step

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one reflect on your needs and values.

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Step two, communicate clearly and kindly step three, practice self-compassion

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step four, be consistent and step five respect others' boundaries.

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It's never too late to start.

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It's an ongoing practice.

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Something I work on it continuously in my business.

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And there is growth.

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So do celebrate every win so you really notice the difference

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that this is making in your life.

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Thank you for joining me on today's episode.

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If you found it helpful, I would greatly appreciate if you could review and rate

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the podcast, it makes such a difference.

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And like I say, at the end of every episode, trust yourself, believe

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in yourself and be the wise Gardner who keeps on watering the seed.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

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Please come and say hi to me on LinkedIn or Instagram and let me

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know how you are getting on in your coaching business and how you are

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gonna go for your dreams this year.

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My name on LinkedIn is Joanna Lott and on Instagram is at Joanna Lott Coaching, and

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I'll also put links in the show notes.

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Let me know if you found this episode useful.

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Share it with a friend and leave me a review, and I will

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personally thank you for that.

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Thank you so much for listening.