18 | Breaking free from comparisonitus as a coach

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Hello and welcome to Women in the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here.

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I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor and ICF accredited coach, and I'm on a

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mission to help brilliant coaches build brilliant coaching businesses.

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In this podcast, I'll be sharing honest, not hype, practical and

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emotional tools to support you to make the difference that you are here for.

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): Hello, welcome to the 18th episode

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of women in the coaching arena.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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I'm your host, Jo Lott.

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And today I'm talking about comparisonitis as a coach.

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Comparing yourself to others is something that I see a lot and it can truly hinder

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your progress and success as a coach.

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Comparisonitis.

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I don't know if that's an actual word or not.

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I'm sure you know what I mean?

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It's that tendency to constantly compare ourselves to others in the industry

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who are usually way ahead of us.

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Which then leads to feelings of inadequacy.

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Self-doubt diminished sense of self worth.

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And that tendency to want to hide away and give up.

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So let's get started and explore some strategies to overcome this

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so you can thrive as a coach.

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Part one recognising the trap.

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Before we can address this, comparisonitis, it's

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important to recognise when we're falling into this trap.

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So as coaches, we are exposed to endless social media from other coaches.

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It can feel like the entire world is a coach and everyone

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else has their stuff together.

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And it's easy to feel really small in comparison.

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Especially if you are just starting out.

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But no matter how far along you are in your journey, there is

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always someone who's further along who seems to have it all sussed.

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And every coaches has journey is unique.

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Success looks different for everyone.

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Maybe you don't even want what they have.

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It's just that tendency to always want more.

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If you are able to recognize what's truly important to you.

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You might have more of that than you realize.

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Once you have recognized the trap part two would be to focus on your own journey.

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Instead of fixating on others' achievements, shift your

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focus to your own journey.

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Really celebrate those wins.

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Acknowledge your progress.

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Remind yourself of the impact you have made on your client's lives.

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Every win is worth recognizing.

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On every single one of our calls.

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That's exactly how we start because genuinely, we can't see it

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unless we are asked the question.

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As we know, as coaches, our brain will start to seek the answer.

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But we never ask ourselves that question.

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What went well?

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Our brains are trained to just look for what didn't go.

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Well, what if I messed up?

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So it's super super important.

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Something I truly prioritise in my programme, asking

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ourselves, what went well?

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What could have been better and what did I learn?

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I would really, really encourage that practice.

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So part three- embrace collaboration.

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Rather than viewing other coaches as competition, embrace collaboration, reach

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out, become friends, share your knowledge.

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And it not only helps you to learn and grow, but it also

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builds a supportive network.

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It's my most favorite part of my community.

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And everybody says the same because if you can broach it from that mindset,

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you will do so much better than you would if you were keeping your

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stuff secret, not sharing, because then they don't share with you.

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I work with the most amazing people who have huge strengths.

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Someone's great at Tik TOK.

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Someone's great at public speaking.

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Someone's great at cold emailing corporates, we all

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can share that experience.

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And all those different things that we all have going for us with each other.

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So that more people succeed.

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A rising tide lifts all boats and it really is worth coming round to that

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growth mindset instead of the lack mindset of someone's gonna steal my ideas.

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The best thing is we're all unique.

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So there is no such thing as stolen ideas, nearly all of the ideas are out

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there already, and you will have your own unique twist on anything that you do.

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So even if someone is doing the exact same thing as you, you really

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can't start taking it personally, or you will never succeed in business.

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I promise you, I have seen in my community, people create amazing

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things together and go further than they would ever go if they

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were trying to do it alone.

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Part four reframe comparison as inspiration.

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On my onboarding, because I always say here's the traps

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you could possibly fall into.

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When working in our community.

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There are two ways to look at when someone's doing well,

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look at it in the comparison.

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Oh, it's all right for them.

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It's just not fair for me.

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Or look at it as inspiration.

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Like everybody started where you are now.

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No social media following.

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No clients.

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No niche.

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So instead of allowing it to deflate your confidence, reframe it as inspiration,

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look for what is possible out there.

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I know that if it's possible for them, it is possible for you too.

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Look at those successful coaches in your field, not as rivals, but as role models.

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Study their strategies.

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Learn from their experiences.

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Adapt their techniques to suit your own unique style.

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With that one it's always worth remembering that most of the people that

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you compare yourself to are well ahead of you, like years ahead of you often.

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They may have a huge team.

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They may have been in business for years.

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They may already have a massive audience.

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So do you take that one about adapting their techniques with a pinch of salt?

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For example, if you want to launch your membership.

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It's actually really, really hard to launch a low-cost membership

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if you have no audience, because you might get like two people

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join and it's 50 pounds a month.

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And then you're putting so much effort in at that rate.

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Because maybe you see all these big names, launch memberships, but they

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have an audience of 40,000 followers.

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So they can launch a low cost membership because they have the audience to fill it.

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So do be really careful if you're looking at people well ahead of you

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thinking, oh, they're doing that.

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I'll do the same.

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-1: Part five focus on your

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unique value proposition.

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So remember that you have your own unique value that sets you apart from other

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co-chairs, it's really important to.

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I identify and emphasize what makes you special, your unique skills,

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your coaching approach, niche, expertise, personality, strengths.

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There is so much that you think is easy because it is easy for

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you and you're good at something.

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That other people will really struggle with.

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And vice-versa.

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So do you communicate your value to potential clients highlighting how

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you can help them to achieve their goals in a way that no one else can.

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What are your values?

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What are your strengths?

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What are you just brilliant at.

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And even if you can't see those things, ask people because it is

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really hard to see your own strengths.

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Or do you one of those free StrengthsFinders online

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or personality tests?

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Like it's a really nice thing to do when you're feeling like everyone else is

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better than me, just do one of those.

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I love when I did one recently, I can't remember which one it was now.

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But, you know, when your top strength comes out as coach, you're like, oh wow.

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This is what I'm meant to be doing versus, oh, I'm just not as good as

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everybody else and all the things that we can easily say to ourselves.

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Part six is seek feedback and improvement.

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So continuous improvement is a real strong value of mine.

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You do need to stay relevant as a coach.

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And I'm sure as a coach, you are already in this personal development

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world, constantly wanting to improve.

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So I don't need to say this one twice.

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Seek that feedback from people you know- it will be so valuable

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to you to hear other people's view of what your brilliant.

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I went to a mastermind recently and the business coach that is

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hosting it introduced me to the group saying Joanna has created so

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much success, but she's so humble.

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And it was like, oh my gosh, really me.

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I had no idea.

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I had created so much success.

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So sometimes it's just lovely to hear somebody else's feedback

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because it's so rare that we allow ourselves to go there long enough

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to realize what we have achieved.

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Part seven practice self-compassion

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I went to a wonderful Brene Brown self-compassion workshop, and they talked

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about doing things like putting your arms around yourself and giving yourself a

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hug and putting your hand on your heart.

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Putting your hand around your face to help you to feel loved.

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And it really does work.

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So be kind to yourself, acknowledge that everyone has their own path

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and timeline just because they are gaining clients in the first month.

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It doesn't mean you will, but guess what?

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You might be still going a year in and they may have given up.

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Everyone is on their own journey and we have no idea what life

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has in store for any of us.

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So just know that everyone has their ups and everyone has their downs.

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No matter what it looks like on the outside, if you are comparing

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your inside -your feelings, your emotions, to somebody else's outside,

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you will always lose out because we don't know those negative feelings.

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We just see they're doing amazing.

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They're feeling good.

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We don't know that they were crying in the toilets five minutes

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before coming into the restaurant.

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So give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from them.

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Grow.

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It is a journey and you will only get there if you do make

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mistakes and learn from them.

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Think about what you can do to practice self care.

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Can you do affirmations, meditation?

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What is it going to take to make sure that you are prioritizing you and training your

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brain to look for those positive things?

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Like for example, I do a gratitude journal every night.

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It has really helped.

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And I genuinely do think it has retrain my brain because.

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I cannot now.

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now.

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help thinking, wow, this is good.

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This is good.

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This is good.

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Like it does start to slowly, slowly sink in.

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So at least 50% of the time you might be looking at positive stuff

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versus 90% of the time looking at negative, which is probably the

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way most people live their life.

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I started doing yoga when my daughter was about.

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One year old.

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And I felt really selfish going off insisting on this yoga every single

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day, but actually it's my one savior.

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It's my one piece of heaven.

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My one moment where I slow down.

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Long enough to breathe deeply and really connect into me.

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And then I can connect into her and everyone else around me.

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So we covered a lot today.

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Comparisonitis is a really challenging thing, especially

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when you first start out.

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With the right mindset and strategies, you can overcome it.

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I very rarely think about how anyone else is doing these days.

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I don't scroll on social media.

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I don't really see and think, oh, they've got it all sussed.

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So embrace your unique strengths, focus on your journey, collaborate with others

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and strive for continuous improvement.

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Know, that it's all part of the journey.

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And whoever you are comparing yourself to has probably had a similar journey to you.

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You just don't see it because you're only seeing the outside.

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I hope you found today's episode helpful.

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Remember that you are capable of achieving great things and your

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clients need you and your guidance.

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I truly believe that we are all here for our own unique purpose.

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And people need to hear your unique stance on how you explain things.

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I remember once.

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I explained niching to someone.

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And then I sent them Seth Godin's video.

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Who's like one of the top marketeers in the world.

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And said oh, he'll explain it a lot better than I do.

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And she sent me a thing back going.

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Yeah, it was interesting, but the way you explained it was so much

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better and I'm like, wow, if I can explain stuff better than Seth Godin.

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That's pretty cool.

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But it's just that she needed to hear my unique way of explaining niching.

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So you will also have your strengths and your unique way that people need to hear.

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So, as I say, at the end of every episode, trust yourself, believe in

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yourself and be the wise gardener who keeps on watering the seed.

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): Thank you so much for listening to this

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episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

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Please come and say hi to me on LinkedIn or Instagram and let me

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know how you are getting on in your coaching business and how you are

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gonna go for your dreams this year.

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My name on LinkedIn is Joanna Lott and on Instagram is at Joanna Lott Coaching, and

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I'll also put links in the show notes.

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Let me know if you found this episode useful.

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Share it with a friend and leave me a review, and I will

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personally thank you for that.

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Thank you so much for listening.